he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
