Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
