wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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