I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
