My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
