**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
