My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
