I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
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