North Korea, Best Korea!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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