i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
