OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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