What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
