i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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