Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
