Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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