i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
worst night to have a conscience
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I think my moral compass just broke
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
