shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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