I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
