Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
