He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
