Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
