I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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