Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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