Moan for me like Helen Keller
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
