in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
