She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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