yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What drink are we having for lunch?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
