i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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