How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
