Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
