Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
