sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
