i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
