He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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