I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
