STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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