it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
