A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
