Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
