the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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