the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
