haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
