she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
