Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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