I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
