Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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