Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
