dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
