Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
