please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
